


Prank Season (A Short Oblivion Fan Fic)

by FanOfManyThings91



Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, Elder Scrolls - Freeform, F/M, Funny, Prank Season, Spouse Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 16:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8378536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanOfManyThings91/pseuds/FanOfManyThings91
Summary: Married life never has a dull moment, especially not in the Lachance house.  What happens when the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood implements a family tradition that involves a pranks for an entire month?  Pure, unabashed, shenanigans worthy of Sheogorath.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my Tumblr, but I couldn't get the import function to work. -\\_(O.o)_/-

##  [Prank Season (A Short Oblivion Fan Fic)](http://fanofmanythings91.tumblr.com/post/129373277941/prank-season-a-short-oblivion-fan-fic)

It was a rather quiet day in Cheydinhal, and Jane Lachance had caught herself doing something she rarely ever did: absolutely nothing.  She began fidgeting, struggling to come up with something _meaningful_ to do; there was only so many times one could organize the Alchemy cupboard.  Her gazed shifted from the second story window and to an empty lectern, a quill, and a piece of parchment with a small juice stain on it.

She knew life would be vastly different once she had joined the Dark Brotherhood, a “ remorseless guild of paid assassins and homicidal cutthroats,” as her then-recruiter, now-husband had once described to her.  However, neither of them had _expected_ children, not that her father Leonardo Lavon minded.  He did mind Lucien, but whether that was due to an ancient tradition of fathers disapproving because _no man is ever good enough for my daughter,_ or something else, it mattered little now.  Besides, he was actually warming up to her Lulu, a thought that made her grin.  Though neither of them counted on children, let alone _marriage_ given their line of work, it made her happy to see her father enjoy being a grandfather.  It also made lazy afternoons during a portion of the summer even slower, since James and Sarah were young enough to have ridiculous amounts of energy.  Vicente and Lucien wondered how she managed to run two families smoothly, and were forever grateful that she could.

_I wish Mother was here._   Then again, she wished she knew her mother at all; the only things she knew were what her father could tell her.  Military assassins and life time oaths of secrecy tended to get in the way of things.  What her father couldn’t talk about, her Uncle Robert could at least hint at.  But there things Leonardo talked on about in lengths:  Prank Season.  It was something Mother had devised to lighten their spirits during early spring.  Since it was something Jane’s parents used to do, she thought it would be best if the tradition continued.  The current rules are:

1\.  What happens during prank season, stays in prank season.

2\. There are always obvious boundaries.  Just because the rules don’t explicitly say you can’t, doesn’t always mean you should do so.   Basically, if it’s grounds for separation then don’t do it.

3\. If there are children/grandchildren, then don’t get the kids involved.

3.5. Break Rule #3

3.75. When utilizing Rule #3.5, remember that they have no loyalty to you because the other will recruit them somehow.

4\. If money is to be spent on pranks, it must come from the individual’s pocket and not the family budget.

5\. ~~Jane Lucien Jane Lucien Jane (would you stop it Lucien!)~~ ALWAYS wins prank season.

One of the most memorable pranks happened almost a year ago, and to this day it always brings laughs when discussed.  Lucien was on a contract far away from their home in Cheydinhal.  He told Jane that he would be stopping on the way back in Bruma, because he was meeting up with an old Dark Brother.  Shortly after leaving, Jane hired a courier to give Lucien a “care package” that she made.  James, being about six years old, was confused the entire time.

_Momma, why are you sending Papa a box?  I thought sending him a nice little care package would be the perfect pick-me-up for your father.  But you’re just putting in weird pictures and pieces of carved wood, Momma.  Oh dearie, it’s just my way of telling you’re father I love him.  Is that how Sarah was born?  No, James.  That was Grandpa Leo being a conniving bastard.  Now go wash up for dinner, and make sure Sarah stays away from the Alchemy cupboard._

Lucien finally arrived in Bruma to meet his friend and, as luck would have it, Vicente was there as well.  The three men decided to head to the local tavern in the very late hours of the night, and after a few drinks, the courier finds Lucien.  He stated that Jane sent him a care package because she “figured he could use a pick-me-up,” whatever that meant.  Curious as to what was inside, Lucien opened the box, and pulled out a rather suggestive drawing of a Dremora with a goat and a woodcarving in the shape of a-

Lucien crammed both items back into the box, but caused it to knock over and spill the contents on the floor.  A patron opened the door and a small gust of wind spreads the numerous crude pictures and wooden figurines all over the tavern floor.  An oblivious guard picked up several of these gems and began to ask around for their owner.  Lucien couldn’t decide what to do at this point.  Take them back and explain that it was his wife’s doing?  Say it’s Vicente’s?  Do nothing and hope the guard doesn’t notice the pile of wooden dildos and Dremoras with farm animals by his feet?  Other patrons saw him open and spill the box, so blaming either friend wasn’t going to help and neither was feigning ignorance.  He decided to do what any skilled assassin would do if caught be a guard:  Run like hell.  Within the blink of an eye, Lucien bolted from his seat and threw a small bag of septims at the owner to pay for the drinks.  The next thing he remembered was him bending over to catch his breath at the Black Waterside Stables.  As he looked up, he saw Jane standing by the Cheydinhal city gate with James, Sarah, and his father-in-law staring at him and asking about the parchment in his hand.

It was the picture of the Dremora and the goat.

_Best ending to a prank season.  Ever._


End file.
